Last year, a giant wave crashed into my life. I wasn’t ready for it—I didn’t fully know how to swim. What I learned was simple but profound: resist less and surrender more. Letting go of the illusion that I could control every swell made all the difference.
For a while those currents carried me with no clear direction. I found myself gasping, asking, “Where am I?” Yet beneath the panic was a quiet trust that I would reach a safer shore.
And I did.
I won’t pretend the past year was all serenity and clarity. There were messy, human moments. I drank too much, ate to excess, and sometimes felt deeply insufficient. That’s part of the journey. Like the ocean, life has highs and lows. There is beauty beneath the grime—lessons waiting under every wave.
Below are the lessons I’ve learned in the last twelve months. I will briefly outline them here and plan to write longer posts about each in the future.
1. A call to action
I care deeply about the planet and all who live on it. That care has pushed me to spend time and energy raising awareness and spreading compassion. Awareness and understanding are the foundations for a kinder, safer world. Many people are already working toward this; their efforts inspire me. If more of us join, small ripples can become waves of change.
2. Our resilience
Resilience has always been inside me—inside all of us—sometimes dormant until life forces it awake. After my HIV diagnosis, I discovered how strong I truly am. What I feared would break me became fuel for action. Rather than retreating into old darkness, I found a renewed drive to use my privileges to open doors for others. Alone we are strong; together we are an unstoppable, resilient force.
3. Space to feel
At times last year I avoided fully feeling what had happened. I distracted myself with friends, drinking, dating, shopping, exercise, and food. This time around I intentionally created space to feel. Slowly, feelings surfaced—sometimes unexpectedly, but I was ready. Now I’m letting go of old coping mechanisms and allowing myself to experience emotions without immediately fixing or escaping them. I’ll share specific practices in a future post.
4. Honesty
Honesty—to myself and to others—has been essential. It’s not easy to face the uncomfortable truths or to show vulnerability. Yet honesty has deepened my relationships and accelerated my healing. Being truthful has helped me build genuine connections and move forward with integrity.
Waves of highs and lows shaped this year. I’m grateful even for the moments that left me in pieces. Those fragments have been a material for rebuilding something more beautiful.
I surrender to these waves. Knowing when to let go has set me free, carrying me home to a place where I can simply be myself.
One Love,
A.J.